Beat into Submission

I have a pretty set routine here. My days begin and end in the same way with some unexpected exceptions (bush breakdowns, tracking ex-coms, health issues ect) in between. For a while it was all surprising. Every experience was a new learning experience and would prepare me for the next. A bit of excitement and slight fear would come with most experiences simply because learning to survive here is less of an “ease in to it” process and much more like shock therapy. Many different researchers and organizations alike, openly admit that Liberia is without a doubt the most difficult place they’ve worked in. Even though I was living here I believed that and didn’t at the same time. Logistics are impossible here, technology is consistently touch and go and even though the rest of Africa has a rising middle class investing in the growth or their respective counties, Liberia is at the bottom with 4.8% of the population being middle class. Liberia is a rough place.

The earlier experiences coupled with excitement and fear have officially faded. I am no longer surprised or shocked at the inner workings, or lack of working in Liberia. Explaining instructions to staff 6 times. Waiting 3 weeks for electricity when they said “we’ll do it tomorrow.” Knowing full well that a bribe could solve this problem. Knowing that one bribe is not enough, being dirty and sweaty everyday all the time and accepting it. Accepting that walking for 3 hours out of this jungle is the only way out. Knowing that every job (even getting your passport picture done on the street) will be a battle.

What scares me the most about all of this is that it’s no longer new. I am, for the most part, used to it all. When you say I can do it in 2 hours, it will take 4 and I’m used to that. I’m used to bartering for everything. Convincing the store owner, the motorbike driver, the electrician, the cell phone company and even our bounty hunters that X thing does not cost that much. I know it, you know it and we can spend 30 minutes arguing about this until you either take the amount we all know it costs, or I just walk away from you. You want to laugh and pretend to be offended? I can do that too. Knowing that getting a local to get these things for you will be cheaper, but also knowing that they will take their cut, undoubtedly (what change?). I’m used to that. Worn down from the everyday antics and at least mild malnutrition becomes the norm (at least I’m not sick). Finding a comfortable rhythm in one of the most difficult places in the world is a fascinating realization in itself. Whether I’ve become comfortable or have just been pushed passed the breaking point, I’m adjusted nonetheless...or beat into submission, but I don’t really see a difference. I should get out of here before I convince myself that I could stay.